A good response to, "I can't have cookies because I need to lose weight."
And how not to go off on someone
Hello! Hi! How have you been? What’s new? As you now know, from my last post, a lot is new for me! My kids are officially being unschooled by me and we got a live-in nanny so that I don’t lose my damn mind. Some days are good, some days are maybe a bit less good, but honestly, it’s been really fun so far.
But you know what hasn’t changed? The gym! I still go there everyday. We’ve decided on a schedule where I’m taking my two older kids with me three days a week for fun kids’ classes and my baby comes everyday. He doesn’t mind and that’s how I like it.
As I’ve said before, I really enjoy the gym. I love the classes, the energy, and the heavy weights. What don’t I enjoy? The toxic diet culture. I have gotten better at tuning some things out. And actually, I am super proud of myself because I have also gotten better at refining my response to someone’s statement of how they’re losing weight without going on a crazy tirade.
YES! I DID IT! I didn’t explode. I summed up my points into a short and sweet spiel that didn’t have the other person looking at me like I was killing their dog in front of them. Oh joy!
So, here’s what happened. One time, at the gym, there was a party and there was food. I was oh-so-kind and brought some cookies for all three of my kids. After that, my son got the impression that I will always have cookies after class. I told him it was a one time thing. But then, as we were leaving the building, he asked at the front desk if they have cookies and…shockingly, they did. That was really unexpected. The problem is, my 5 year old son generalized this to everything and now asks for cookies all the time.
As we were leaving the kids area, my son asked the person behind the front desk if she has any cookies. She could have just said, “no”, but instead she said, “No, I have to lose some of the weight I’ve gained, so no more cookies.” I’m paraphrasing here, but something like that. I think my kids didn’t really pay much attention to that. I hope they didn’t. But I sure did. Shocker. I said, “there is a lot wrong with that.” Again, paraphrasing, I don’t remember the exact words used. She looked at me with surprise and said, “Like what?”. Now, in the past, I have unleashed dragons upon people in a total brain dump of everything I know. But this time, I didn’t!
I think we have already established how proud I am of myself, right?
I told her something along the lines of, “1. You are conforming to a totally random beauty standard that can change at any time and is different throughout history. 2. You can deny cookies all you want, but when you come across them at a party or something, you’re much more likely to binge. 3. If you are truly in tune with your hunger and fullness, it doesn’t matter if you eat a cookie because you would just eat less of something else, look up intuitive eating for more on how to connect with that. You’re welcome.”
We both smiled, she looked genuinely interested and said, “You learn something new every day!” And I walked away. I just walked away. Yes people. I didn’t say anything more. I didn’t engage further. I left it at that. And mama is proud!
Do you understand how huge this is? I have reined myself in.
Granted, I was in a rush. I needed to get my baby home for a nap. But so what? Right?
What’s a response you have when people talk diet culture around you? What do you say? Do you do what I usually do, which is rip their heads off, metaphorically? Do you politely walk away? Do you keep your mouth shut? Or do you do what I did here, the most elegant, and beautiful response I have ever had, if I do say so myself.
Peace and love!
Asya